I consider myself more of a listener than a talker. Rather than be the loudest in an argument, I prefer to listen and speak after careful consideration. This approach has been constructive because it allows me to understand other perspectives while also understanding my own.
Recently, I read an article that governor Andrew Cuomo of New York wants to legalize the recreational use of marijuana in my home state. When I first read this article, I was appalled – how can Governor Cuomo not see the adverse effects legalizing the recreational use of marijuana will have on adolescents today and in the future? Marijuana not only has a damaging impact on the brain but is the most common gateway drug.
However, what shook me the most is that not everyone shares the same views as me; instead, many believe legalizing marijuana will make no difference or improve today's drug situation. I will not lie; I was angry. I do not understand how people cannot see the damaging effects of marijuana, especially on the youth. I wanted answers, so I talked to one of my friends.
The conversation with my friend was more than beneficial to gaining a new perspective of a situation I had a staunch view of. Though I still believe the legalization of marijuana has a net negative effect, I now understand what someone with the opposite view can argue, with reason. However, I still gained depth into a perspective and opinion I previously did not understand. What allowed me to understand was communicating with an open-mind, respect, and the desire to learn. I did not enter the conversation to a topic I deeply cared about with the intent of arguing.
Rather than saying phrases such as, "you are stupid to think this," we used phrases such as, "why do you think this?" or "can you explain and elaborate this view?". Instead of trying to convince my friend why she should agree with me, I told her why I believe in what I think and let her decide whether she agrees or not. Also, we never yelled at each other. Ultimately, our interaction was characterized by a level of politeness and respect that allowed both parties to gain breadth. I learned a significant amount after my discussion with my friend that I will use in the future when I find myself in disagreement.
First, I learned the importance of going into a discussion with an open mind. Not only will it make the other person feel more comfortable, but it will also allow you to learn different perspectives and why it differentiates from your own.
Additionally, I learned that phrasing matters. For example, calling someone "stupid" or "illogical" for not agreeing with your view is far less constructive than asking the person to explain why they believe in what they say. You will never have a useful discussion if you demean the person you are talking to. Respecting others is essential, even if you disagree with them.
Finally, I learned about speaking my own truth. Though I am not one to talk often, I am not afraid to speak up for issues that matter most to me. Speaking up for myself is crucial because it legitimizes my beliefs to myself and others.
Overall, when conducted properly, a discussion is very healthy for it opens one to new perspectives while allowing one to articulate and legitimize their view. Without discussions, we would not be where we are today.
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